#48: I'm a hippie, but not a smelly hippie

Here's the dialog that I imagine having with you, Constant Reader. (I don't know why I just called you that, but it's how Stephen King addresses his readers in the afterwords of the Dark Tower series. And I like how it sounds "Constant Reader". Kinda rolls off the tongue page computer screen)


Me: I haven't shampooed my hair since January 1st.
You: Ew. Gross.
Me: I said "haven't shampooed" not "haven't washed".
You: Shut up hippie. Get the hell out of here, and take your greasy, smelly hair with you.
Me: But my hair is clean; I swear!
You: ....... (That's the sound of you ignoring me)
Me: No...seriously. Here, this is what I've been washing my hair with:

You: Garnier Fructis is shampoo, dummy!
Me: No, the stuff in the ketchup and mustard bottles.
You: You put ketchup and mustard on your head? What are you, a hamburger?
Me: Nevermind.


Me: ........... (That's the sound of me ignoring you)
You: So, what's in the bottles? 


(Let's just pretend you were going to ask this... otherwise this would have been the most random blog post ever.... actually, scratch that. I've seen some way stranger blogs. Have you ever clicked the "Next Blog" link at the top of the page?)


Me: Red
Ingredients: 2 Tbsp baking soda, water.
Directions: Wet hair. Apply a little baking soda mixture to your roots and massage your scalp to spread it around. Let it sit a minute or two. Rinse

Yellow
Ingredients: 2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar, water, a little bit of lemon lime juice (Lemon juice supposedly lightens your hair; I only added it because I don't like how vinegar smells. You: That's weird. Me: I know. Sorry.)
Directions: Apply vinegar mixture to the ends of your hair. Let it sit a minute or two. Rinse

Green
Ingredients: Agua/water/eau, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Dimethicone..... and a lot more sh!t that I couldn't pronounce if I tried.
Directions: Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

You: Why did you stop using shampoo again?

Me: Well to start with, I'm a cheap ass and I ran out of shampoo... so why spend money on shampoo when I can wash my hair with stuff I have lying around my parents' roommates' house? There are also a lot of other reasons to stop using shampoo here, or you could read about shampoo on Wikipedia. At any rate, here's the way I see things: if I'm not going to eat things that have a million ingredients that I can't pronounce, why would I want absorb them through my skin every time I shower. Especially when there are potentially viable alternatives (Like this, or this, or the recipe in that first link the said "here" that you probably didn't even click on). Hell, shampoo didn't even exist a few generations ago, consider it retro. Besides, I'm a guy.... it's not like I need some fancy product to "repair damaged hair" or "reduce frizz" or "insert clever marketing slogan that makes people think they can't live without you product" anyway. And last time I checked, shampooing with Herbal Essence did not give me an orgasm. Now that would be a reason to use shampoo.

You: I'm sorry, I lost focus for a second. What were you saying? Wait...never mind... don't repeat yourself, I'll just space out again. Just tell me how not shampooing is working out for you?
Me: Well, I really can't tell the difference between shampoo and the alternative. So, I'm going to say good*. You should look into it, or not. Want to smell my hair?
You: No. You're weird. Now get out of here before I poke you with a stick.




Thanks again for reading,
-N


*I should probably note that there is supposedly a transition period where your hair gets really greasy while you wean it off shampoo. I was apparently already doing this before the New Year (I was only shampooing about once a week because the shampoo I had was drying out my scalp and giving me dandruff). At any rate, I have not yet had to deal with the greasy hair phase.... but if I do, I'm just going to go with it, buy myself a leather jacket, and start banging jukeboxes with my fist to play the songs I want. (Snaps fingers, Gives thumbs up. "Ayyyyy")